stream of consciousness crap

Another year's coming to an end, another year to set in with all the hype and hoopla that greets every year. As if when we wake up tomorrow the world will be a better place to live in. No! for that reason let us drink as if there's no tomorrow.
As we turn the clock back on the hours, minutes and seconds that made the year, so throbbing, often distasteful and purely live-in, there's lot many things which I feel could have been changed. Personal, professional... well it's about me, me the selfish giant, me the gelatinous, the big bore and with loads of attitude to top it all. The ME was there, lying dormant, and no wonder I was rather surprised to find it so near the under skin. Frightening isn't it, for someone who has already made others belive, and lived in delusion that what he does has been for others... the thrust staring in your face was something I couldn't take it. But finally, I accepted, and belive me, it feels good. Who doesn't want to live for himself. Am not a martyr, and won't be one. neither am I a scapegoat, one always taken to the slaughter. There's another thing I have to change in myself... u guessed it, play the counsellor's role. Let everybody rot in their own personal hell, am not to be bothered. But yes, staying away from family does have its effect. Miss them like hell and truth be told, miss HT as well... all those parties, the work, the humour and the people... But can't help isn't it. Let not cloud my brain with the misses, isn't those for the weak (as I prefer to call them). So wish everybody a year where u do something worthwhile, not like me. And plz, anybody attempting to go through this stream of consciousness crap should get themselves insured first.